Hills.

4. The Hills Have Eyes

The next thing I feel every Southerner should know about the North and PA most specifically that will blow your mind is.... you guessed it, hills.  They are everywhere.  Here in Louisiana, it is as flat as .... *inappropriate joke.*  In PA, think.... *another equally inappropriate joke aimed in the opposite and more 'hilly' direction.*


We've got hills going on because we are apart of the Appalachian Mountains.  Not nearly as exciting as the Rockies, but certainly a lovely spectacle.  In fact, when driving from Philly to Pittsburgh, whilst on the Turnpike, you drive THROUGH mountains.  Your radio goes completely static, you have to put on your headlights and you drive through a creepy and moist tunnel that looks like it can collapse at any moment.  Terrifying.

Travel Blog had the perfect photo to capture my mood

But more also, what is awesome about PA, specifically, is the hills.  They are everywhere.  The roads go up and down hills.  If you were like me, your PE credit for college required you walking up a seriously GINORMOUS hill every Mon, Wed and Fri.  Actually, everywhere I went in college required me struggling up these absurd hills.  Freshmen 15?  Just do your schooling in the hills of PA!

Virtual Tourist captures the lovely hills perfectly!

But hills make life tragic.  Nothing is worse than trekking over a hill in the snow and ice.  If you don't have the proper tires... well, I hope you planned an extra 20 minutes of drive time!  And driving up a hill and not knowing if there is traffic coming?  Or how about a hill next to a roadway covered in snow?  Better watch out for those sledding children!!!

Hills.  Overall, they're awesome.

So in the end, what you should know is that hills are awesome.  But then again, maybe if it was flatter like here in Louisiana, snow wouldn't be such an issue.  Things to ponder.

Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act

I just feel like you should read this.

I will offer no other comments.  My own opinion will not be shared.  No debate.  Just read it.

Later gators.

It is Sure to Blow Your Mind

So I've decided to post the top five things that is likely to blow any southerners mind in regards to the north.  There is no rhyme or reason because let's face it, there is hardly ever rhyme and/ or reason to any of my posts.  It is just the way I roll- disjointed and all over the place.  Enjoy!

5. The Jersey Shore

I want to start this by saying the following: I HATE New Jersey.  With a passion.  I do not enjoy going to any part of New Jersey-not even in the slightest.  When friends suggest, 'hey, let's go to the shore' (shore = Jersey Shore FYI). I am likely to contort my face negatively at the suggestion. 

I just hate it and here is just one reason.  They don't pump their own gas.  That's right, you go to a gas station and someone has to pump it for you.  EVERYWHERE.  It is not just a nice thing a couple gas stations do, it is mandated by law.  In fact, I used to work at a gas station in PA(Sheetz, google it) and I would routinely see NJ'ers come up to the pump and put the pump in upside down, come in for help or collapse with frustration over PUMPING GAS.  It's not hard, but NJ officials have bred a population of idiots at the pump. 

This is how it's done.  Idiots.

Anyway, that is not why I am here--my hatred for Jersey is important only to prove that I am not just trying to love up on Jersey.  I'm not, but the picture painted by the stupid show "The Jersey Shore" is far from what the Jersey Shore actually is.  Snooki, J-WOW, Pauly D and the ses pool of diseases 'The Situation' is hardly representative of the people at the shore.  Those tools are actually all from New York-a state that gets NONE of the flack for breeding those d-bags(I think Pauly D is from Conneticut, but point still proven).   

NJ.com knows the real Jersey Shore

In fact, the Jersey Shore is largely frequented by families and high school teens/ college students on summer vacation.  Yes, the nightlife probably gets a bit rowdy, but there are likely no more STDs floating around than Bourban Street in New Orleans.

And one more reason I hate New Jersey.  The ocean looks like sludge.  See how the picture above conveniently doesn't show the ocean?  It is because it is a dark ocean of filth.  I'm not sating Deleware's beaches are better because that is simply not the case, but I feel you guy should hear the truth.  The ocean in the north is disgusting.  You cannot even see the ground!

So the moral of this terribly long winded story is the following: New Jersey sucks. The people at the Jersey Shore are not reflective of the cast of The Jersey Shore.  The ocean water in the north is disgusting.

End!

Cher Baby!

It has been a week since my last post and for that, I am getting ridiculed! Apparently, my blog is instilled in people's lives.  Apart of people's days.  I am.... important.  One could say I am a writer.  Granted, I am a mediocre writer who is terrible at poetry, but still, I am a writer nonetheless.  Therefore, I say, I am awesome.

There's an awesome Tumblr with HIMYM gifs!

Anyway, I have finally decided it is time to go into in depth analysis of the common Cajun phrase, 'cher baby.'  No, we're not believing in 'life after love' or loving up on Sonny or even having female children that decide to become men, no, in fact, cher baby has nothing to do with the so-called "Goddess of Pop" (who in the heck gave her that name?)! 

In fact, you don't even say 'cher' like you would say Cher.  Before we get to the nitty gritty of what it actually means, let's practice saying it, so, now, it's time for pronunciation with Jen!

Cher is pronounced, "sh-eh."  Don't stunt "sh-eh" in the middle, make sure you say it smooooooooothly.  Now after you have obviously mastered 'cher,' you've got to finish it by saying baby.  So "sh-eh (pause) baby."   Now faster! "Sh-ehBaby!"  You got it!  Goooood!  Well, I don't really know if you got it because really, I can't say it well either, but we'll pretend you're an expert and give the goldiest of gold stars!

Now but the real question here, is WHAT DOES IT MEAN?  Well, that's easy.  Basically, it just means, 'awww that's cute!' Or, 'awwwwww' or basically affection. 

So, now let's put this into practice, you're at the park just wandering around taking picture on instagram because, afterall, you're probably a hipster (ha!) and you see the most adorable puppy being walked on a leash.  So, in awe of the epic cuteness of the pooch, you say, (with your best cajun accent) "cher baby!"

No, this dog is not in a park, but it is adooooooorrraaabbiibbbllle!

Or, you're visiting a friend who just had a baby.  The baby has decided to be silent for a few minutes and not cry a thousand tears or poop on your hands and looks simply angelic.  Her little pink onesie has an elephant on it and the room smells of joy....and dirty nasty diapers- you are in a baby's room after all.  So, you say, say it with me! Cher baby!

Babies, filled with lies.  And poop.

Now, you can just say cher with no baby at the end too.  That is, in fact, allowed.  You can also spell cher "sha," but remember, it is not pronounced "sha."  If you say "sha" they will know you are a yankee and all will be lost and this training will have been for nothing.

Now let's combine some things we have learned and see if you can decipher the following sentence.  Anyone who can gets an EVEN BIGGER gold star.  Or an internet high five.

You better not place your hand here unless you can answer the question!!!!

"Aw cher baby!  Let me help you save those baby clothes!"

Yankees

Here is a map the United States how I see the breakdown of Southerners vs. Yankees.

Here is how my roommate sees it.

Zombies.

There is a zombie movie filming this weekend and they are looking for zombies.  I am interested because there is monetary compensation and well, zombies.

This is the email I sent them.  I am rather proud.

*****
Hi there!

I hear there's a little zombie filming this weekend and me, while I am currently alive and thriving, am DYING (get it, dying) to be apart of the filming.  I've attached a couple of crappy pictures of myself so you don't get your hopes up that I am a super hot model looking zombie, but more so of an average girl zombie just looking for some brains and trouble.  So, hopefully you chose me because then next to "Promotions Guru" I can write, professional undead.

I guess we'll see!

Enjoy my terribly mediocre photos and have a great rainy day!
****

I'd share my photos, but no.  Because if this blog ever catches on (and it's almost 500 views wahooooo!), and it won't, I need as few identifying markers as possible.  People goodness knows!

No pictures today. 

Rain....

This will not be a full blown entry because, my goodness, it is 10:00 at night and yankees need their 'beauty sleep.'  It's true, if I don't get 9 hours of sleep a night, I look like a garden gnome... and not like the cute Travelocity one that travels the globe, like the one that got rejected for being too damn ugly.

I could handle these.  Even seven of them!

Anyway, June 1st marked the beginning of Hurricane Season.  HURRICANES PEOPLE!  Not like the delicious fruity drinks that are awesome and awesome, but like huge forces of nature that destroy lives, homes and villages.

Now, I have a whole entry planned for my utter fear of hurricanes, so I am not going to go into them at 10 at night when I really just need to go to sleep, no.  Right now I just want to draw your attention to the absurd, and I do mean absurd, amount of rain that falls here.  And let me tell you, when it rains, it isn't like, 'oh hey bro, let me sprinkle a little of this water shizz on your face.'  No, it's like, 'HEY MOTHER F*ER, LET ME RUIN YOUR FREAKING EVERYTHING AND MAKE EVERYTHING WET AND DISGUSTING AND YEA!!! AMERICAA!!! F*** YEA! RAIN!"  That's how I imagine this rain speaking.  Only with more expletives... I don't use expletives.

Like I said, short entry.  I really wanted to post because of this darn 10 forecast I just saw.  It is ALL RAIN.  For 10 days.  I think tomorrow I am going to have to stop at Home Depot and learn how to build arcs.  10 days of rain...

Someone get this yankee an umbrella.